


Facing your Fears

by winryofresembool



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types, Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: F/F, Friends to Lovers, Insecurity, LGBTQ Character, edwin daughter, how emma and mat got together, yes it has smut but it also has a plot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-23
Updated: 2020-02-23
Packaged: 2021-02-28 03:40:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,427
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22867252
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/winryofresembool/pseuds/winryofresembool
Summary: Emma Rockbell-Elric and Matilda Jensen are long time friends, having known each other since their uni years. At first they were each others’ rivals because of very different views on their field of study, but eventually Matilda eventually became Emma’s best friend. Through the years the two of them experienced a lot together and got closer, slowly starting to develop feelings for each other. Both sides try to hide them, but what happens when during a work trip they finally let the feelings take over and are forced to face the aftermath of it?
Relationships: Background Alby, Background Edwin - Relationship, Emma Rockbell-Elric/Matilda Jensen, if you squint
Comments: 1
Kudos: 5





	Facing your Fears

They say trips can sometimes open your eyes to see certain things from a new perspective. That certainly happened to Emma Rockbell-Elric and Matilda Jensen during one particular business trip.

The girls had known each other for over 6 years already. They both had studied architecture at the university, not starting their acquaintance in the friendliest of manners. Both were rather stubborn and had very different views on their field of study: Matilda tended to have more conservative ideas and she relied heavily on the already existing information, while Emma was an experimenter; wanting to invent new, perhaps sometimes unconventional ideas, while also eager to mix alchemy with her creations. Matilda considered alchemy as ‘hocus pocus’, something that had nothing to do with drawing and planning buildings and for a long while she refused to listen to Emma’s ideas.

However, the nature of their relationship started changing after Emma saved Matilda’s cat from a tree and Matilda invited Emma for a cup of tea. For the first time talking to each other properly, they noticed they enjoyed each other’s company and had more in common than they had initially thought (they shared their love for architecture and animals, their sense of humor was pretty similar, and both had a bit restrained relationship with their families). It wasn’t love at the first sight, but during the years they spent together they learned to respect each other and pushed each other forward in their life decisions, forming a bond stronger than they would have expected.

The two of them had already been very close to discovering their real feelings for each other one time during Matilda’s swimming practice. There, someone had tried to get a bit too close to her, but lucky for her, Emma had been around and told him that Matilda was already taken. When the words alone didn’t seem to make a big enough impact, Emma had spontaneously kissed Matilda to protect her, but that kiss had sparked something. Even though the girls never talked about it, they had realized that that kiss had made them feel things that regular friends didn’t feel towards each other, and after that they had avoided touching any subject that could have brought that up.

But that finally changed during the work trip they did to Central.

It had been a fun trip. After the official part, a conference where they were introducing their company to potential business partners, they had gone shopping (fighting over which clothes stores they should visit because of their very different tastes and ending up having to play ‘rock, paper, scissors’ to decide. Emma won but after seeing Matilda’s expression she decided to make up for it and buy her favorite treat at a local café). They also found a swimming pool at their hotel and had a swimming competition, Matilda winning every time but giving Emma a hug for being a ‘good second’.

That evening, the girls felt they deserved a couple of drinks for the job well done, and even Matilda, who generally didn’t drink a lot, decided that a couple of glasses wouldn’t hurt. Two wine glasses in, the girls started talking about some of their memories of each other, and somehow the talk went to the incident during Matilda’s swimming practice.

“Remember then that guy tried to ask you out and we had to convince him that we were dating?” Emma chuckled. Matilda’s face turned red and she wondered how Emma could talk about it so casually. The truth was, Matilda herself had been thinking about that case way more often than what she felt was normal. But that wasn’t something she necessarily wanted Emma to know.

“Yeah, I do remember,” she answered awkwardly, taking a sip from her glass and hoping it would calm her nerves.

“I still… I still think about that kiss sometimes,” Emma suddenly announced, her voice softer now, and Matilda lifted her gaze from her glass to see her expression. Emma’s demeanor had chanced, no longer the excited and passionate expression on her face. Instead she looked about as shy and awkward as Matilda felt herself.

“You do?” Matilda asked quietly, not wanting to get her hopes up. She was genuinely surprised by Emma’s confession because not even once had she seen her show any interest towards her, or that the said kiss would have meant anything more than just an act to get rid of those guys. A twinge of mistrust struck Matilda; maybe Emma was just putting her flirt mode on. Matilda had known her for 6 years already and she knew that Emma did sometimes hit on people just for the fun of it, and she wasn’t looking for a more serious relationship. But as she continued exploring Emma’s reactions, she didn’t see any faking there, like she had sometimes seen.

“I do…” Emma said, but didn’t seem to want to elaborate what she meant by it. She was fiddling with her napkin, looking like she was regretting that she had said anything. “Hey, would you like to dance?” she quickly asked, wanting something to do to distract both of them from the awkward topic.

Matilda agreed, but when they started swaying along the slow music on the dance floor of the restaurant, she decided to return to the previous topic.

“What about that kiss? Why did you bring it up?” She wanted to know. She couldn’t say she wasn’t used to Emma’s mood swings, but she couldn’t help but get a bit frustrated that Emma had first brought up the kiss topic and then refused to talk about it.

Emma gulped, took a deep breath and finally looked at her into eyes. There was a new kind of fire there, one Matilda wasn’t used to seeing.

“I was thinking… I’d like to know how it felt if I did it again.”

“What…” Matilda’s mouth was still slightly open in her question when Emma’s lips brushed them. At first it was light, soft and short, testing in a way. Her lips felt smooth and tasted like wine and the strawberry pie she had had as a dessert. But when Emma realized Matilda had responded to it, she pulled away for a moment. When Matilda gave her a small nod, she set her hands on each side of Matilda’s face… and leaned in again, kissing her much more passionately this time.

Things started to get a bit hazy. Matilda had no idea how they had proceeded from the dance floor to a more private spot next to the wall, her back leaning against it while Emma was hovering over her. A tiny part of her was yelling ‘what is happening’ while the much bigger part told her to just go for it. And she did. Her hands slid down under Emma’s shirt, encouraging her to keep going. They finally realized things had gotten a bit too heated when someone walked past them and told them to get a room.

And that they did.

As soon as they were inside the room, their lips found each other again. However, soon it became clear that things could be going further than just kissing, so Matilda told Emma she’d go clean up a bit; they had been out the whole day after all. After taking her shower, she spent a good moment in the bathroom, struggling to decide what to wear. She could always be wearing nothing. But maybe she had read the signals wrong and Emma didn’t want to have sex, and that would just be embarrassing then. She asked herself if it was what she wanted to happen, and the irrational side of her yelled yes. She had to be honest, she was finding a whole new, hungry side of herself right now, one that she hadn’t known that existed even though she had slept with a couple of people before, and she wanted to know where this all would be going. Maybe… maybe her secret dreams of their relationship going from friends to something more could finally happen.

Eventually, Matilda decided to go for her top (no bra underneath, it would hopefully end up being useful) and underpants, with a robe on it so she could give Emma the decision if they would go all the way or not. She was annoyed that her underpants already started getting a bit slick when she put them on, but decided to ignore that and finally joined Emma who was sitting on her bed.

“Hi,” she said, smiling shyly.

“Hey,” Emma answered, patting her bed to tell Matilda to come sit next to her.

Emma pecked her on the corner of the mouth briefly and then looked at her seriously.

“Uh, so… maybe we should… talk a bit before jumping into anything. Do we really want to do this?”

“As much as one side of my brain says that maybe we shouldn’t… I kinda don’t care. I wanna see what happens, Emma… if you do too.”

That was all the encouragement Emma needed. “Then hell yes,” she said huskily and pushed Matilda on the bed, sitting on her hips. Then she kissed her, a bit sloppily, passionately, on the mouth, cheek, jaw, and bit her earlobe gently before moving back to her mouth again. Her hands traveled into Matilda’s curly hair while Matilda’s hands got lost under her shirt again.

When she moved onto Matilda’s neck and sucked it, getting her to moan, she asked: “are you ready for the next part? It’s OK if you wanna leave it here…”

“No!” Matilda yelped, her voice almost whiney. “Let’s do it!”

Emma nodded and slowly started slipping Matilda’s robe from her shoulders. Once the robe had flown on the floor, Emma started inching Matilda’s top higher, kissing all the skin that she had revealed. That made Matilda moan even louder, but in that moment she didn’t care if someone in the next room could hear her. Emma stopped before Matilda’s breasts were revealed from under the top, wordlessly asking for her permission to remove the entire top. Matilda nodded, both nervously and excitedly, raising her back from the bed so Emma could do the job for her.

Once the top had joined the robe on the floor, Emma stopped to take in the view before her. Matilda felt every nerve of her body tensing as Emma’s gaze wandered everywhere, from her long legs to her embarrassing panties with a cartoon character pressed on them, to her athletic upper body. Her abs were quite well toned out thanks to the swimming training, her shoulders were broad, and… then she noticed Emma’s attention was on her breasts. Matilda wasn’t sure if her cheeks could get even redder than they already were.

“I’ve always known you’re pretty, but… holy shit. You are… gorgeous,” Emma mumbled, her blue eyes darker than usual and her cheeks probably as red as Matilda’s.

Then she slid her hand up Matilda’s waist until she finally reached the destination. Matilda felt shivers go down her spine as Emma first cupped one of her breasts, watching Matilda’s reaction. She gave her an approving hum before Emma did that to her other breast as well, at first gently massaging them before turning her attention to the nipples.

“Feels so good!” Matilda announced, before squealing when Emma’s mouth was suddenly on one of them. She sucked and licked, happy to see Matilda was reacting just the way she wanted.

When she raised her lips from Matilda’s chest, Matilda gave her a puppy like expression that was saying ‘don’t stop’, but Emma had decided it was time to progress to the next part. She planted wet kisses on Matilda’s tummy (noticing an ugly scar on her side that didn’t look like it had come from a swimming accident. She made a mental note to ask about it later) until finally reached a particularly tender spot that made Matilda arch her back a bit when she touched it. Emma sat up and gave Matilda a lust filled look, still managing to keep her voice somewhat calm, though.

“I… wanna touch you now. Are you ready?”

“Fuck yes,” Matilda breathed, making Emma smile with her language. “But what about you?”

“Later,” Emma promised. She ran her hands up Matilda’s inner tights until they finally touched the edge of her panties. She rubbed her over the panties, feeling how wet they already were.

“Holy shit, girl, I think you are ready indeed…”

Matilda just let out a whine before Emma finally started removing her underpants. She felt very self conscious when she saw Emma look at her most private part, but somehow her expression made her want to do this even more.

“Let’s… start this slowly,” Emma suggested. “I’m guessing you’re not used to this so… some dry practice first.”

Matilda approved and Emma sat on her hips again. She leaned down to kiss Matilda on the mouth again, but while she did that, she started rolling her hips against hers. Apparently Matilda enjoyed it, because she responded to her movements immediately.

“You’re wearing too many clothes,” Matilda noted when Emma lifted her lips from hers to get some air. “Let’s change that.”

Emma stood up and pulled her shirt and jeans off, but when Matilda tried to undo her bra, Emma removed her hands from the piece of clothing.

“Not yet. I wanna take care of you first.”

“Okay,” Matilda said and fell back on the bed, getting a bit antsy. Emma shifted her position a bit so she was sitting between Matilda’s legs, and started running her hands on her thighs again. Slowly, teasingly, she let them travel towards Matilda’s vulva. When finally there, she parted the lips and inched a finger inside. She started pumping, paying attention to Matilda’s reactions the whole time. The brunette made sounds that she had never heard her do, raising her hips trying to give Emma a better access.

“Wow, you’re pretty eager.” Emma grinned and was faced with a dark look.

“Emma. Faster. Now.”

Emma considered herself rather experienced with the female anatomy, finding Matilda’s tender spot soon.

“As you wish,” she said with a low voice before starting to pump faster. As Matilda’s breath seemed to get more ragged, she added two more fingers. Matilda responded by thrusting into her hand and making even louder moans. Emma sensed she was close to coming, but before she could, she removed her now wet fingers.

“Why did you do that?! I was about to…” Matilda said, frustrated and breathing heavily.

“I know… But I want to make it even better for you. If you allow me.”

Emma licked her lips, and Matilda understood her plans.

“Fine. I trust you,” she agreed.

“You’ll like it, I promise.”

Then Emma laid down on the bed, spread Matilda’s legs wider, and before she knew it, her lips where on her… other lips. She kissed and sucked them for a moment, before widening the opening with her fingers and getting her tongue in. She rubbed the clitoris with one hand while her tongue was doing its tricks, and Matilda was scratching the sheets, biting her lip to suck in the screams of pleasure. Soon she started trembling; the wave of orgasm was getting stronger and stronger, but Emma didn’t stop until Matilda finally screamed her name and fell limply on the bed.

“Oh… gosh… so that was… an orgasm…” Matilda finally breathed as her heart rate started coming down and vision less blurry.

“What? Have you never had one before?” Emma asked with surprise, moving from between her legs next to her, so she could enjoy the post sex cuddles. She wrapped her arms around Matilda, absent-mindedly rubbing the scar on her side.

“I… have… when I’ve masturbated…” Matilda said with embarrassment, “… but it has never felt like that.”

“Didn’t you tell me once you’ve been with a few guys? None of those got you…?”

“No. Who knows, could be because I was never truly attracted to any of them…”

“So that means…” The gears in Emma’s head started functioning and her mouth formed a big ‘O’. Despite what had just happened she had a hard time imagining that someone was actually attracted to her.

“Yes, Emma Rockbell-Elric, I’m fucking attracted to you and I have secretly wished you’d notice for years. Glad you finally realized.”

“Why didn’t you say anything… I never knew…” Emma said, dumbfounded.

“I don’t know, maybe because you’ve been hooking up with other people…” Matilda said a bit sharply. “OK, sorry. I took that too far.” She sighed and continued: “Listen, I’m not judging you. I really am not. But I myself am wishing to find something more serious. The rational side of me was screaming that I shouldn’t let this happen. But I did. Because the fact is that… I am not just attracted to you. I… I’m in love with you.”

Emma’s eyes widened, and she had no idea what to say to Matilda’s confession. The truth was that she was feeling the same way, but she wasn’t ready to express that yet. Not with words, anyway. For so long, she had had issues trusting people, so long she had tried to push her feelings aside, that now that she was in a situation where she had to deal with them… she was afraid. She didn’t know how to do it. So, instead of saying it back, she tried to turn the focus back to Matilda:

“How long have you known?”

“Maybe… maybe I’ve known on some level ever since you kissed me by the pools. But… I don’t know, I guess those feelings have just gotten stronger for the past few months with us spending so much time together. And… now we just crossed a line and I couldn’t hold it in anymore.”

Matilda was expecting Emma to say something to that, but instead she was just looking at her with an expression softer than she had probably ever seen on her. The blonde girl inched closer to her, but instead of the passion they had experienced earlier, the kiss she planted on Matilda’s lips was soft and sweet, loving in a way Emma’s words couldn’t express. She hoped Matilda would understand.

When they pulled back, Matilda asked: “So, what does this mean for our friendship?”

Emma had been afraid of that question. “Does it have to mean anything? I mean… there are plenty of people who consider their romantic partners are also their best friends…” she answered vaguely.

She hoped that answer was enough for Mat, that she wouldn’t start asking where they were at that moment. Because in all honesty, Emma didn’t know. She just knew she wanted to spend that moment with Matilda and not worry about the future.

“Right…” Matilda started sensing Emma’s uncomfort, so she decided to drop the topic for now. Instead, she noticed the three paw tattoos on Emma’s shoulder and started tracing them lightly.  
“I’ve never asked about these… are they for your dogs?” she asked.

“Yeah… Key, Sky and Shrimp.”

“I would have loved to meet Key…” Matilda whispered.

“He was my best friend before you came along…” Emma noted. “I’m sure he would have liked you. Or then been incredibly jealous.”

That made both girls chuckle a bit. When Matilda saw Emma’s vulnerable expression, though, she suddenly felt the urge to kiss her again. This time a bit harder. It seemed to relieve some of the tension, however waking up the hunger inside both of them again. After breaking the kiss, Matilda raised her eyebrow and noted: “I think I should pay you back for what you did earlier… So what do you say, your turn now?”

“I have nothing against that,” Emma laughed, letting Matilda take the lead this time. It took over an hour before they finished, falling asleep in each other’s arms.

…

Matilda woke up to kisses on her neck.  
“Morning, sunshine,” Emma grinned as Matilda opened her eyes and saw her… best friend? Girlfriend? What were they now? right next to her. However, while Matilda guessed she should have been happy about such an awakening, she was suddenly feeling insecure, kind of uncomfortable, and awfully aware that they were both naked. Pulling the covers better over her body, she finally answered.

“Morning.”

“So… last night was pretty great, wasn’t it?” Emma started the conversation cheerfully, as if she was sensing the shift in Matilda’s mood.

“I guess it was…” Matilda mumbled, still a bit groggily. She stretched her arms and took an extra pillow to protect her eyes from the bright light that was coming out of the window. Emma took that gesture as a sign that Matilda was not going to comment on the night more.

“Why am I sensing that something’s not quite alright? Let it out, Mat,” she eventually said with an urging tone.

Matilda was quiet for a while, trying to pick the right words. Once she did, she lifted the pillow from her face and said: “Listen… I need to know. What does this,” she gestured first towards herself and then Emma, “… mean for us? Are we dating now?”

That was exactly the question Emma had been afraid of. If she was honest, she had no idea what she wanted.

“I… uh… you know how I feel about dating…” she said awkwardly, seemingly interested in the white walls in front of her.

Matilda did know that Emma had never had a relationship that had lasted longer than two weeks. Suddenly she felt totally awake. And angry. Her eyes flashed dangerously as she replied:

“And you know how I feel about myself having a casual relationship. Emma, when I have sex with someone, it means something to me. I don’t do it just because I can, and especially not with my best friend.”

“Matilda, I’m sorry but I just can’t…” Emma tried to say, but that only made Matilda angrier.

“Oh my god.” She was now standing up, pulling her robe on her. “If that’s how you feel, I can’t believe I ever let anything happen last night. You know, I genuinely thought… that it meant something more to you too. That you wanted this… us to happen, and not just another fling.”

“I never said…” Emma started, but just like every time she panicked, the words escaped her before she managed to explain herself.

“That’s right, you didn’t! So maybe I should blame myself for being so stupid that I believed… that maybe you loved me too.” Matilda had now tears on the corners of her eyes and she felt she was so close to start full on crying any moment now.

“No, Matilda, you got it all wrong, I…”

“Yeah?”

Emma opened and closed her mouth several times, going through some inner battle. But then, finally: “I can’t say it, I’m sorry, I just can’t.”

“FINE.” Matilda snapped, her voice getting very high pitched. “Then don’t! But in that case you can pack your stuff and leave on the first train or something, I don’t care.”

“Matilda, please…”

“You just admitted that you never wanted a serious relationship with me. Do you know how that makes me feel? Used. Being lied to by my best friend. I don’t want to see you right now.” Emma had never heard Matilda’s voice so cold. And that made her feel even worse.

“Listen…” Emma tried once more, but Matilda didn’t give in.

“I’m going to take a shower right now. And when I’m back, I want you out of this room. Maybe one day we can have a serious conversation. Right now I’m too angry.”

“I’m sorry…” Emma said quietly before Mat slammed the bathroom door in front of her. When in there, Matilda sat down on the bathroom floor, leaned her head against the door and cried. A voice in her head said she had been too hard, that this was just as much her fault as Emma’s, but she was still too upset to listen to it. She had genuinely thought Emma had feelings for her too, and she couldn’t believe that she had lied to her – or rather, not said anything, and it was really hard to swallow. Her and Emma’s road hadn’t always been the most even one, but she was the first real friend she had had… the first person she really loved… so finding out Emma didn’t feel the same way hurt a lot.

…

Emma was hiding at her home for the next few weeks. She wanted to yell and cry her feelings away, but instead she was just feeling hollow inside, like a part of her was missing. She didn’t even show up at work, not when Matilda was there, and was seriously considering resigning from their company entirely. Every day she wished that Matilda would bang at her door, maybe yell a bit, but she herself could finally find the bravery to say what she wanted to say. That what had happened wasn’t a fling. That it had felt more right than probably anything Emma had done in her life so far. But she was just so goddamn scared. Most of all, she was scared that if they were in a relationship, she’d ruin it and drive Matilda, the most important person in her life, away for good. Which, ironically, may have already happened. Now she only had her dogs (the Pomeranian Shrimp seemed to be especially aware of his owner’s on-going issues because he wanted attention even more than usually). And her family. Emma supposed she was lucky that at least she had a caring family, even if she had questioned that too during her teenage years.

Unfortunately, she and her dad had gotten into a fight after the incident with Matilda. Emma of course hadn’t told her parents all the details about the trip, but she had told them that she and Matilda had gotten into a big fight during their last day there and thus she would be taking a break from her work and was even considering quitting. Ed had angrily told her that Elrics were not quitters, to which Emma had announced that maybe she didn’t want to be one, then, and marched out, leaving her parents staring at her dumbfounded and her own self esteem even more shattered than before.

As Emma was still dwelling on that fight a couple of days later, her door was knocked and she snapped out of her thoughts. For one second she dared to wish it was Matilda, but when she opened the door, in came a red head with a big pregnancy belly. It was her brother’s wife Ruby, who was expecting their second child, beaming of happiness despite the uncomforts of her state. Emma was genuinely happy for her because she knew Ruby if anyone deserved some happiness after everything she had gone through. When she saw Emma, she immediately went and hugged her tightly.

“Alan told me what happened on your trip. Is there anything I can do to help you?”

“I don’t think so…” Emma shook her head, still touched by the thought that someone cared enough to ask that. “I ruined it all myself, I’m the one who has to clean up the mess…”

“Umm, no offense but maybe you should start from your apartment.” Ruby noted as she took in the place. There were dishes and take away boxes everywhere in the kitchen area.

“All my energy has gone to taking care of my dogs… Don’t have much left for myself…” Emma said sadly, and Ruby sighed emphatically.

“Come sit here,” she encouraged and made some space on Emma’s sofa so she could sit down next to her. When they were sitting comfortably, she continued: “So, yes, Alan did already give me one version of your story, but I’d like to hear it from you. What happened? I promise I won’t judge.”

“I… I messed up.” Emma shrugged.

“Believe me, usually it takes two people to get into a fight… Unless what happened was non consensual, which I hope isn’t the case here.”

“So… you know about that part. Um, no, we were both into it,” Emma said, blushing. “And she told me some wonderful things during that night. But… I should have told her the truth before we did anything. That no matter how much I love her, I’m too afraid to get into a relationship.”

“So you do love her.”

“Of course I do,” Emma admitted, surprised how easy it was in the end. “I just…”

“You just what? Why are you so scared of getting into a relationship where two people very clearly love each other?” Ruby asked.

Finally Emma managed to say the issue out loud: “Because I know I’d mess it up, just like I already did. Mat means too much to me that I’d ruin our friendship over that.”

“I’m sorry to state the obvious, but I think the result is the same here, unless you fix it. Also, what makes you think you’d ruin it?” When Emma didn’t respond, Ruby continued: “Emma, you’re a great person. You were one of the first people who accepted me into your family and encouraged me to not lose my faith even though Alan… even though it took him longer to realize what was going on between me and him. You notice things in people that they don’t even notice themselves sometimes. And now, I can see how much you’re regretting – unpurposefully - hurting her. I think you’re perfectly capable of maintaining a relationship, as long as you’re ready to work for it.”

Ruby had found Emma’s sore spot. In her childhood and youth, Emma hadn’t had a single good friend that would have stayed in her life longer than a month. That had made her believe that she was some kind of people repel, that she wasn’t even capable of making friends, not to even mention romantic partners. At the university Emma had finally found some same spirited people, most notably of course Matilda, but Emma’s feelings had betrayed her and gotten so strong that she was genuinely afraid of what would happen if Matilda wasn’t in her life. The pessimist that she was, she knew that most of the relationships people started ended in a break up (and that was even more likely to happen to her because of her bad relationship skills, Emma thought), and if that happened to the two of them, she didn’t know how she could handle it.

“Then what is your advice?” Emma asked miserably.

“Well, number one: be honest with her. Tell her what you really feel and try to explain to her why you’re afraid. If she’s as great as I keep hearing from you, I’m sure she’ll understand. I know it’s not easy but at least that should remove the bitterness between you two. And when you’re ready… I’d say go for it. It’s not every day you meet someone special, Emma. I was lucky that mine was my mechanic.” Ruby smiled.

“Okay…” Emma felt optimistic for a brief moment, but then she remembered Matilda’s words earlier and her face fell again. “Uh, there’s another thing too. I’m afraid she thinks I’m not able to be loyal to her. But that’s not true at all, ever since our first kiss, I haven’t been interested in anyone else. I don’t want to be with anyone else.”

“Then tell that to her.”

“If she still gives me a chance…” Emma sighed.

“I’m sure she’ll come to her senses!” Ruby said, patting Emma on the shoulder encouragingly.

“I hope so…”

The talk with Ruby made Emma feel a bit better. Maybe it was possible to fix this issue. Before the girls could move onto other topics, though, Ruby’s phone started ringing.

“Alan, hi!” She answered cheerfully, but then her tone changed into an alarmed one as Alan continued speaking. “What’s wrong, why do you sound like that? Oh my god. That… that’s horrible. Yes, I’m with her. I’ll tell her. We’ll be there right away.”

That was pretty much the whole conversation, but Emma picked very fast that something wasn’t right.

“What’s going on?” she asked, even though she felt like she didn’t want to know.

“Your dad is in the hospital.”

…

Emma had thought she had had it bad during her teenage years when she was alone and had no idea what she wanted to do with her life. But now she felt she had truly hit the rock bottom. Not only had she possibly lost her best friend (or more than that) for life, there was a possibility that she would lose her father too. Despite the latest conflict between them (which definitely wasn’t the first, because Ed and Emma were so similar in their stubbornness), if Emma was honest, Ed was probably her closest family member. During her adult years, they had found a mutual understanding and he didn’t ever judge her for her decisions unless there really was a reason to. He was only around 50 and always so full of life that not even once had it occurred to Emma that something could happen to him. But now, apparently an old injury (for which he had a big, scary looking scar in his lower abdomen) had come to bite him back, had caused an infection that could kill him unless the doctors managed to stop it from spreading. And of course, the last time Emma had seen him, she had yelled at him…

Right now Ed was getting treated and the family members had to wait outside. Emma’s mother, Winry, was of course there. She was fiddling with her hands and looked like she needed something to work with to distract herself from the bad thoughts. Alan was there too but surprisingly alone. He told Ruby would be back at the hospital soon (she had left the hospital to take care of some business after dropping Emma there). Elena and Arthur were both out of town but informed and both said they wanted to jump into the next train to see their dad. Uncle Al would be coming too. The twins looked more miserable than Emma had ever seen them. Erika had buried her head into her hands and Henry was walking back and forth nervously, his under eye areas dark from crying too. Emma could only imagine what she herself was looking like. She hadn’t cried, but not because she wanted, but because she couldn’t. She would not accept this, her father would not just… give up because of some stupid infection…

The minutes went by. No one came out of the room to tell them what was happening. The longer it took, the more nervous the family got. Finally, Ruby arrived at the hospital, but to Emma’s surprise, she wasn’t alone. When she saw the very familiar brown curls, she jumped from her seat more enthusiastically than she had planned and made a weird high pitched squeal. She immediately wanted to go for a hug but just when she was standing in front of her, she stopped. Remembering their on-going issues, Matilda may not have appreciated her getting too close.

However, Matilda herself made the first move. “Don’t worry. Come here.” She said softly, her hazel eyes not showing any bitterness. Emma didn’t have to be told twice. She went for the hug, holding her like it was her last life line. And suddenly all the tears she had held inside started spilling out, and she couldn’t stop it for several minutes.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” Emma said with a watery voice when she finally broke the embrace. “Why are you here, shouldn’t you be mad at me?”

“After doing some thinking…,” Matilda started, “I realized some things are bigger than our stupid argument. Your sister-in-law told me what happened and I just couldn’t leave you alone. You’re still my best friend.”

“How… Why… I don’t deserve your forgiveness…”  
“Shhhh… Let’s forget about it for now. We do need to talk, but now is not the time,” Matilda said calmly, swiping a tear from Emma’s cheek.

“Okay,” Emma agreed and allowed Matilda to walk her back to the hard hospital benches. Not much more was said between them for a good while, but Emma leaned against her shoulder and let the familiar scent of the person she loved comfort her. Matilda didn’t push her away.

Then they waited. And waited.

“You know, the people at work are missing you,” Matilda said finally. “We really wish to get our top architect back at some point… But I do understand you are gonna need some time for yourself now…”

“Yeah… Maybe when this all is over… Right now… I just don’t know anything,” Emma replied weakly.

“Don’t worry… I understand.”

“By the way…” Matilda said after another long silence. “I know I said we shouldn’t talk about our mess right now but I just wanna say one thing. I’m sorry too. I got carried away because I felt so hurt… because I really care about you… Either way, it did take two to…” Matilda looked around to see that no one was paying attention to them and added: “to do /that/… and… we didn’t exactly talk about what it would mean beforehand and… I was too hard on you. Um, that’s all, for now.”

“No, I’m the one who’s sorry. You had every right to be mad at me. But… I just can’t explain right now why I did what I did. I hope that one day I will, though.”

“It’s OK. Besides, I think I may already know some things,” Matilda looked towards Ruby who was now comforting her husband and Emma realized she must have told her something.

“Oh… OK.”

Soon after that the door finally opened and a doctor stepped out.

“We have now done everything we could to help him. He’s in a stable condition right now, but we’ll have to wait a few more days to see how the things are progressing.”

“Thank you, doctor,” Winry said on behalf of everyone. “Can we see him now?”

“You can, but only 3 visitors at the same time.”

Winry, Alan and Ruby went first and left Emma alone with Matilda and the twins. Emma leaned her head against Matilda’s shoulder again.

“Thank you, so much, for coming here… It made this a bit easier…” she said, feeling a bit lighter now.

“That’s why I’m here,” she said quietly and pressed a light kiss on her hair.

…

To everyone's relief, Ed did get better.

At first the recovery was slow, but he took a turn for the better as the news of Ruby being close to having her second child came to his ears. Little Ria’s visit to her ‘gramps’ also cheered him up, and after a couple of weeks he was finally out of the hospital. Emma was his first visitor at his home because she wanted Ed to be first to hear what she had to tell.

“Hey, dad, can I talk to you about something?” she asked after Winry told she’d go to put the coffee on and left Ed and Emma alone in the living room.

“Sure thing, Shrimp, anything.”

“Hey, I named my dog Shrimp so you could start calling him that instead of me.” Emma crossed her arms, pretending to be offended, but Ed knew she wasn’t being serious.

“Okay, whatever you say,” Ed huffed. “So, what’s up?”

“Well, first of all, sorry about yelling to you earlier. You know, before you got ill. I didn’t mean what I said back then.”

“I know, dear, don’t worry about it. We’ve been through worse fights.” Ed waved it off.

Emma smiled awkwardly at the memories. “I guess we have… But anyway,” she continued, “I wanted to tell you that I do want to be an Elric after all. I went back to work today.”

“Oh, that’s good to hear!” Ed exclaimed and Emma was happy to hear he sounded a lot better now. “But what about you and Matilda?”

“Well, after that night at the hospital, we separated pretty amicably… But I haven’t talked to her much after that. Today we decided, though, that we are going to have a cup of coffee together tomorrow, and talk things through properly.”

“I don’t know what got you two so mixed up, but talking things through is definitely good.”

“Believe me, you don’t wanna know,” Emma noted. “But are you speaking from experience?”

“Well, believe it or not, me and your mother used to clash a lot back in the day – even more than these days,” Ed smirked. “At some point I just had to learn to apologize.”

“Oh,” Emma got interested. She had never considered that even her parents had their struggles in their relationship. “But did you two ever have fights about different goals… or such?”

“Not really. I mean, after we got engaged I still wanted to travel for a while, and maybe your mother was a bit annoyed about that, especially after what I and your uncle put her through, but she never complained. I knew that I did want to spend the rest of my life with her, and she did too, and so we got married pretty fast.”

“And how did you know?” Emma asked curiously. “Weren’t you ever freaked out about such a big commitment?”

“After committing for four years to get my brother’s body back… you’d think a marriage was an easy commitment…” Ed smirked. “But believe me, I was still scared at first. But then I realized that it really was quite simple: I wanted to spend my life with her, and I’m still on that road. Some people make it sound like if you want to be committed to someone, you have to have a big wedding, new house, 2,5 kids, a dog and a cat, and that’s all there is to it. But no, the things you do now will continue even when you’re in a relationship. You just have to be honest and trust each other. And, if you really love her… then the work you put into the relationship is worth it.”

“Her? How did you…?”

“Emma, it’s quite obvious,” Ed said, slightly amused. “You look at her the same way I look at your mother. Matilda is gonna be a lucky girl.”

“Uh… Okay,” Emma said, embarrassed that she had been so easy to read. “Anyway… I think I’ve decided. I’m gonna take one more step towards being more Elric, and tell her how I feel. What happens after that… I guess only time will tell.”

“That’s my girl,” Ed said proudly.

“Dad?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m so glad you’re better now,” she said, reaching to hug him.

…

A day later, Emma was sitting at the café, waiting. For once she was very early, wanting to start this meeting on a good note, so it was still 10 minutes till the time they had agreed on. She had ordered a regular coffee with no sugar or milk in it, but to compensate for the lack of sweetness in it she had also gotten a rather large piece of a chocolate cake. Emma’s sweet tooth tended to get a better of her when she was nervous, and boy, she was nervous right now.

She had almost finished her cake when Matilda finally showed up. Despite being embarrassed about her lack of self discipline, Emma managed to say ‘hi’.

“Hi. I see you have come here early…” Matilda gestured towards Emma’s almost empty plate.

“Uh, yeah… Didn’t have anything better to do while waiting…” she shrugged.

Matilda knew Emma well enough to be able to tell she must have been anxious.

“Well, anyway…” she said, “Let me order something and then we can talk.”

“Okay,” Emma nodded, looking pretty interested in a cake crumble on her plate.  
Soon Matilda returned with a sandwich and a cappuccino, and Emma took that as a good sign. At least she wasn’t planning on running away immediately.

“So…”

“So…”

“I was glad to see you back at work yesterday,” Matilda started. “I take it your dad is doing better now.”

“He is…” Emma admitted. “He just got home the other day.”

“That’s some good news.”

“Yeah… it is.”

A silence. There was a lot both sides wanted to say, but didn’t know how to start.

“Listen, Mat…”

“Emma…”

“You go first.”

“No, please, you start.”

“Fine, then,” Emma sighed. “So, about what happened. I need to make a few things clear.”

“Okay,” Matilda encouraged her to continue.

Emma had practiced some of her lines beforehand so she wouldn’t fail when she was nervous, but she meant everything she said: “First of all, I shouldn’t have allowed it to go that far. I knew we shouldn’t do it because I couldn’t offer you what you wanted, so that was very stupid of me. But no matter what you think, I never considered it a ‘fling’. Nope. You’re my best friend… No, even more than that. I didn’t do it ‘just because’… I did it because it felt right.”

“What are you saying?” Matilda asked with confusion.

“I’m saying that there were… definitely feelings involved. On also my side. I just… I just freaked out.”

Matilda got flustered by Emma’s confession, but decided to return to it later. “Freaked out why?”

“Because I was afraid… of a lot of things.”

This time Matilda just waited quietly until Emma would continue. She had already figured as much based on what Ruby had told her on the evening when she had brought her to the hospital, but it was good to hear it from Emma herself.

“I was afraid of what it would mean to our relationship. You’re… you’re honestly the most important person in my life, my first and best friend, and… I was afraid that if we take the step to a romantic relationship, I’d… I’d ruin it. Somehow. Because I’m very good at that.” The tears were threatening to spill on Emma’s cheeks, but Matilda stopped them with her fingers.

“Emma. Give yourself more credit than that. Yes, you may make mistakes sometimes, but guess what: so do I. We all do. You didn’t jump on the bed on your own, we did it together. And I didn’t even give you a chance to explain yourself earlier, even blaming you for pretty awful things that morning. So, I’m sorry about that. Also,” Matilda slightly raised her voice before Emma could interrupt. “If I’ve learned something about you, it’s that you are very good at learning from your mistakes. I know now that you wouldn’t hurt me on purpose.”

“Mmmh…” Emma looked down at her hands, embarrassed.

“Sorry, I interrupted you,” Matilda noted then. “Please continue, I’ll listen.”

It took Emma a little while to collect her thoughts before she could talk again.

“I said I was afraid of many things… for example, my own feelings. That night I realized how damn strong they were. Are. Mat, my whole life I’ve been trying to not let people in because falling in love is so scary to me… I thought that it would mean less pain for me… But then you, a sneaky person, made it, and… I couldn’t stop it.”

“Are you saying what I’m think you’re saying?” Matilda asked, her eyes wide… and Emma thought they looked a bit watery too.

“I guess I am,” Emma finally looked directly to Matilda. “I… I love you. And I’m scared because I’m not used to this.”

Any hardness that Matilda may have tried to keep on her expression until that moment flew away entirely, and she took Emma’s hand.

“I love you too,” she said, smiling while a tear drop was falling down her face. “And gosh, I feel like an idiot now. I never should have pressured…”

“Hey. I totally understand why you got angry. But hear me out,” Emma stopped her.

“Fine,” Matilda said.

“So, the thing is: I’m also afraid of commitment. I don’t think I’ve ever been committed to anything for a long time, except maybe to my dogs. That is related to the issues I mentioned earlier. I may sound sure, but actually I’m very insecure. Especially when it comes to my people skills. But I’ve been talking about it…with some of my family members… and I’ve made a decision. I wanna get over that fear.”

“Wait… what?” Matilda asked, unsure what Emma meant by that.

“I wanna see if Emma Rockbell-Elric is worth her last names. My dad is right: I’m not a quitter.”

“I don’t understand…”

“So…” Emma spoke a bit louder, “I’m asking you, if you’d, maybe, want to be this idiot’s girlfriend? It’s OK if you don’t…”

“Emma, you don’t have to…” Matilda started, worried that Emma was doing this just because she felt pressured.

“I know I don’t have to. But I want to. I wanna step out of my comfort zone, so I can grow as a person… together with you. But also simply because I wanna be with you. So what do you say?”

“Of course I want to!” Matilda squealed and jumped from her seat. “I… I’m so happy you’re asking,” she mumbled against her shoulder as she reached to hug her tightly, burying her face on Emma’s hair.

“I guess I can’t promise that I won’t ever mess up or freak out or anything…” Emma whispered against her neck. “But I do promise… to l-love you… and be worth your trust…”

“That’s all I could ask for,” Matilda said softly. Then she finally lifted her tearful but happy face, let her hand travel on Emma’s face a bit, stroke her cheek, until finally, she kissed her.

It was tender and loving, both girls happy and relieved they were to be in this situation and not caring who was watching. They let the kiss linger for a good while, stopping only when some people near them suddenly started clapping and yelling ‘congratulations’. With blushed faces, they sat down but this time in chairs next to each other so they could still be close and hold their hands.

“One thing, though,” Matilda noted. “I think we need to take a step back. I mean… this all progressed pretty fast… so maybe it’s better if from now on we will take our time. To get used to it. No spending nights together until we are ready. Is that OK?”

“Of course it is,” Emma agreed and kissed Matilda again to seal the deal.


End file.
